SEC Power Rankings: Hey, Let’s Call Up Dabo Swinney

You know, Nick Saban has commented on how people are hyping up his team too much, so I’m gonna do the man a favor and drop Alabama down in my power rankings. Gasp! I know, right? Ah, what the heck, it’s 10.11.12 today, and that means nothing but I’m clever for noticing it, see.


Team (Pvs): Comment

1. South Carolina (4): Once again, Steve Spurrier decided to give Dabo Swinney a metaphorical noogie by saying there’s only one Death Valley. That got me to thinking: Is there is only one Dabo Swinney? Well, I did a White Pages search of the United States, and the only one I found was the guy who coaches Clemson. And his number is listed. (Must be something about Clemson coaches. I looked up Terry Bowden the same way once, had a nice chat with him.)

2. Alabama (1): Hey, big scheduling announcement this week: Bama will host Georgia State next season. Lamb chops for everyone!

3. Florida (5): BEST DEATH STARE EVAR.

4. LSU (3): So this Saturday, there’s Les Miles on one sideline, Spurrier on the other, and wouldn’t you love to hear a Miles/Spurrier mash-up quote? Got ya covered: “There is a want among our student-athletes to play Georgia early because there’s always somebody gettin’ suspended over there, heh.” (OK, that was bad, sorry.)

5. Georgia (2): My heart goes out to Aaron Murray, because sometimes people are just the worst. If these yahoos are ever caught, Murray ought to be allowed to throw footballs at their nether regions, and no “cover two” defense allowed, if you know what I mean.

6. Mississippi State (6): Yes, there really is a construction webcam at Davis Wade Stadium, so you can watch the exhilirating process of stuff being torn up and concrete being poured. I’ll be highly disappointed if we don’t occasionally see something like this.

7. Texas A&M (7): Kevin Sumlin would rather people not know he can sometimes be a cheerful person.

8. Tennessee (8): I’m curious to see how Derek Dooley transports himself when getting to and from the MSU press box on Saturday. He took a golf cart to practice Thursday. That’s a little too bulky for a press elevator, but this should work.

9. Ole Miss (11): The Rebels pulled a Texas A&M last week in a loss to Texas A&M, but Hugh Freeze wouldn’t change a thing. Hey, Tommy Tuberville approves, even if others don’t.

10. Vanderbilt (13): Vandy hosts Florida this week, and wait what SELLOUT IN NASHVILLE. Mayans, y’all. Mayans.

11. Arkansas (12): QB Tyler Wilson got in a minor fender-bender the other day, but as one of my colleagues noted, that was nothing compared to the train wreck he’s been in all year AMIRITE HAHA LOL ROFLMAO WOO PIG SOOIE.

12. Missouri (9): After losing at home to VANDY last week, Mizzou has the pleasure of hosting Alabama. I wonder how enthusiastic Tiger fans are going to be about this whole SEC thing after this weekend.

13. Auburn (10): My, but Auburn is a horrid football team. DARN YOU SATAN!

14. Kentucky (14): Kentucky is basically fielding a high school JV team these days. Avert your eyes, and then call DSS on Joker Phillips.

I am the online content coordinator for Previously at the Journal, I covered Mississippi State athletics (2008-13), high schools (2004-08), and was on the copy desk (2002-04). I'm working on a recipe for bacon-flavored coffee, which would solve all the world's problems.

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