SEC Power Rankings: Stealing Saban, Swinging Richt, Spanking Sumlin

The SEC Power Rankings are grumpy today, because brake jobs cost way too dang much. Makes a man want to steal something. Like, I dunno…


Team (Pvs): Comment

1. Alabama (1):maybe a cardboard cutout of Nick Saban? It was returned, which ruined my punchline, which I’m gonna give you anyway: HEY GUYS, SUSPECTS.

2. Georgia (2): Mark Richt goes hard on the playground.

3. Florida (3): Offensive coordinator Brent Pease might wind up being a candidate for the head post at Kentucky, but he does not appreciate your ghost story,” journalist person. Well, yeah, coaching football at Kentucky is definitely a scary proposition LOL SEE WHAT I DID THERE. #scary

4. LSU (4): Bobby Hebert was ejected from the Tiger Stadium press box during the Alabama-LSU game last week, because he wouldn’t abide by the no-cheering rule. I have to admit, I’ve had to hold back a cheer in that press box … when the postgame beer cart comes around. (Oh, it’s real, and it’s spectacular.)

5. South Carolina (5): The big thing I took from this piece on running back Kenny Miles is that he doesn’t care for rap music, preferring jazz and older stuff. I also took away that Miles is cooler than 99 percent of humans.

6. Texas A&M (6): Sometimes offensive coordinator Kliff Kingsbury gets a little excited and hands out free spankings. Saban will do the same this week to the Aggies, but not with enthusiasm. No, only with a cold, indifferent stare devoid of pity.

7. Mississippi State (7): I lost track of how many times the word “execute” or some variation thereof was used this week by coaches and players, although I did go back and counted offensive coordinator Les Koenning saying it seven times during a span of two minutes, 45 seconds. If MSU has another tough game executing its game plan, I hope one of the coaches just gives us the John McKay quote.

8. Ole Miss (8): Looks like Robert Nkemdiche, the No. 1 recruit in the nation, is reconsidering Ole Miss. He told the AJC last night that he was at the time still committed to Clemson but “just undecided.” Also, turns out that’s not really Nkemdiche on Twitter. RECRUITING IS SO AWESOME.

9. Vanderbilt (10): A win Saturday at Ole Miss would make Vandy bowl-eligible for the second consecutive year. Dynasty!

10. Tennessee (9): DOOLANDER. (Zoolander is a horrid movie, and the only scene with actual humor in it is this one.)

11. Arkansas (11): Hey, Jimmy Johnson is a forgiving man, so why not bring Bobby Petrino back to Arkansas? What could possibly go wrong?

12. Missouri (12): No, Missouri, you’re not really that much better after playing Florida close. That was just a reminder that the Gators still have an offense that runs on stale beer and peanut oil.

13. Auburn (13): Rumors of Gene Chizik‘s impending firing circulated today. If true, well, better slip this in one more time.

14. Kentucky (14): Welp, Joker Phillips is done, but he’s going to coach out the season. He should coach the rest of the season wearing a John Calipari mask, just for kicks.

I am the online content coordinator for I also co-host The Memo and Prep Rally podcasts and host the Newsbreak program. Previously at the Journal, I covered Mississippi State athletics (2008-13), high schools (2004-08), and was on the copy desk (2002-04).

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  • jaxdawg

    I enjoy this weekly feature. Especially enjoyed the Dark Chiz rising and even got a good chuckle from the McKay quote.

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