I wanted “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” to be good, and I was willing to overlook certain things.
As far as I was concerned, the “Joes” didn’t have to reload their weapons, unless they were in a shoot-out and running out of ammunition made the scene more interesting.
They didn’t need to explain how they got from one corner of the globe to another in a fraction of the time it takes to get through a TSA security screening at the airport.
And they didn’t need reasonable explanations for ending up at exactly the right place at exactly the right time to save or lose the day, depending on what the plot required at the time.
The movie is brought to you by toy maker Hasbro, so have fun with it, I say.
One problem: There isn’t a bunch of fun to be found.
Dwayne Johnson plays Roadblock, who leads the Joes against the evil forces of Cobra. Roadblock’s team is ambushed and it has something to do with the president of the United States (Jonathan Pryce).
The president disavows the Joes, and allows Cobra to infiltrate every level of his security team. That seems odd because in the last movie, “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra,” the Eiffel Tower and other parts of Paris were destroyed by a Cobra plot.
Again, I don’t want to attack “Retaliation” for being stupid, because it’s supposed to be stupid, but I think the filmmakers could’ve tried harder.
I imagine the problem is most of the creative energy went into choreographing fight scenes. If the Academy Awards recognized a best fight scene, the exceptionally cool mountain battle pitting Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Jinx (Elodie Yung) against a Cobra horde would be an early contender.
On another positive note, Bruce Willis shows up as Gen. Joe Colton and delivers some nice one-liners. The best one appeared in the movie’s trailer, but it’s still funny in the movie.
I don’t know, folks. I had low expectations and was hoping to be rewarded with a good, brainless time at the movies. On the plus side, they got the brainless part mostly right.
I give “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” a D plus.
It’s showing at Malcos in Tupelo, Oxford, Corinth and Columbus, as well as Hollywood Premier Cinemas in Starkville and Movie Reel 4 in New Albany.
Look for movie reviews in Scene on Thursdays, and listen each Tuesday morning on Wizard 106.7 between 8:30 and 8:45 a.m.
Kelli Karlson Wizard 106.7
She gives a B plus
“I had a blast.”
Roadkill Bill Wizard 106.7
He gives a B.
“I had a bunch of fun because a bunch of stuff exploded.”
M. Scott Morris/NEMS Daily Journal