Yuck! Losing weight fast

The pressure is on at our house. We’ve made no real progress and there are only 10 days left.

It all started in early May when Marlene, a friend of my wife’s from high school, came to visit, and she and Jenny started talking about their upcoming high-school reunion.
Well, they didn’t really spend much time talking about the reunion. Mostly they talked about how they were going to lose weight because they didn’t want their classmates to see how they really are.
When Marlene left, Jenny said we were going to lose 15 pounds before we drove up to northern Kentucky to attend the reunion on July 24.
I told Jenny that she was not overweight and I didn’t think we should go on a crash diet. (You should understand that my idea of a crash diet is giving up second helpings, potato chips, butter or sour cream on my baked potato.)
“Everyone else is,” she said matter-of-factly. “That’s what people do before they go to their high-school reunion.”
Well, May came and went, and we didn’t lose weight.
We had company, and ate out a lot. We rationalized that with the stress of Joe graduating from high school and the move to New Albany, we wouldn’t start the diet until June.
Now June is gone and we’ve only lost a couple of pounds. Jenny says it was hard to diet while she was worried about finding a job. I have a job and couldn’t think up a good excuse for my procrastination.
I don’t quite understand this weight-loss thing, anyway.
Ten years ago when we went to her last reunion, most of the women looked much older than Jenny, were not as trim and had gray hair. I kidded her about hanging around with a bunch of old people.
Last weekend Jenny’s mother, who is 80, was giving her daughter advice about losing weight. She said she had lost seven pounds and she wasn’t even going to a reunion.
Get on the Slim-Fast diet, she said. So Jenny went out and bought a case of Slim-Fast, even though I reminded her the last time she did that, it sat in the refrigerator for months.
So now we have 10 days until the reunion. Trouble is, our daughter and her husband, and our almost-5-year-old grandson will be visiting from Pittsburgh on four of those days. Jenny’s already dreaming up all the treats she plans to have on hand for Sebastian.
Chances are, she’ll have to share the treats with him.
Then we’ll visit her mother, whose feelings will be hurt if we don’t have seconds. (Yes, the same mother who dishes out the Slim-Fast advice.)
I figure we’ll be going to her reunion looking like we really do. We talked about that the other day, after loading up on Slim-Fast.
“I don’t understand it,” Jenny said. “We all went to school together, so we’re all the same age. Who do we think we’re going to be fooling?”
That’s what she thinks, not what she’ll do.
Thankfully, on July 25 the days of salads and fruit will be behind us for a while. … That is, until the summer of 2013, when my high-school reunion comes around again. I don’t want my classmates to see me like this!

T. Wayne Mitchell, publisher of the Gazette, can be reached by phone at 662-534-6321 or by e-mail at publisher@newalbanygazette.com.