M. SCOTT MORRIS: Tabloids' best friend writing his own script

By M. Scott Morris/NEMS Daily Journal

Someday, actor Charlie Sheen will get his act together, then start a home for recovering porn stars.
But that day might take its sweet time getting here.
These are interesting times for Sheen, who portrays Charlie Harper, a slightly saner version of himself, on CBS’ “Two and a Half Men.” It’s the most-watched comedy on TV.
Over the past year and a half, the real-life Sheen threatened his wife with a knife, forced a porn star to hide in a hotel bathroom, enjoyed old-fashioned debauchery in Las Vegas and threw a three-day party, complete with cocaine, more porn stars and a 911 call.
That’s an impressive list of accomplishments for a short time. Sheen’s going to be stiff competition for TMZ’s Celebrity Train Wreck of the Year Award.
And it’s early February.
Sheen’s in rehab now. Conventional wisdom says that would reduce the craziness in his wake, but would anyone be surprised by more tabloid-friendly eruptions?
Here’s a guy who, according to media accounts, makes nearly $2 million per episode of “Two and a Half Men.”
I don’t know, folks.
You’re worldly wise, so maybe you can wrap your head around that kind of money.
Not me, though.
That’s lottery money.
That’s buy-your-own-island money.
That’s buy-yourself-out-of-trouble money.
Then again, before Sheen buys himself out of this trouble, he needs to figure out how to stop buying himself into it.
On TV, Sheen plays a character who’s capable of waking up on the floor of an eastbound Greyhound bus and have no idea how a porn star’s name got tattooed on his … well, you get the picture.
Funny stuff, for fiction.
There’s nothing wrong with Charlie Harper acting as though consequences don’t matter because the “Two and a Half Men” writers will make sure whatever happens will be funny.
Today’s movies and TV shows are filled with over-the-hill party boys, who do terribly stupid and destructive things but still manage to get the gorgeous girl before the closing credits. Those characters do what they do because the script and the test audiences tell them to.
Who’s writing Charlie Sheen’s script?
At times, his story might look like a comedy. He hangs out with a never-ending supply of porn stars, so that’s good for a few laughs. Still, this has the potential to be a great tragedy in the making. Sheen has five kids, and they get to see their dad’s exploits flashed across TV screens and tabloid pages. That’s got to hurt everyone involved.
Sheen will get out of rehab and go back to work one day, and the first “Two and Half Men” episode after his return will be bust-a-gut funny.
The only question: Will the actor learn to let his TV alter ego be the crazy one for a change?
M. Scott Morris is a Daily Journal entertainment writer. Contact him at (662) 678-1589 or scott.morris@djournal.com.