OPINION: Is beer the next wonder drug? And is the Web doomed?

A few truths, if you please:
* Has someone at CBS had an epiphany?
On Wednesday’s “The Early Show,” anchor Harry Smith reported on a home invasion in Oklahoma in which a woman shot and killed a man who broke into her home after midnight on Dec. 3. The segment included part of the agonizing 911 call, clearly indicating the woman’s reluctance to shoot the man after he used a table to break through her patio door but also her even stronger determination not to be a victim. The 911 operator even tells Jackson that she is within her rights to use deadly force.
Kudos to CBS and Harry Smith for giving self-defense by a law-abiding citizen some airtime.
* The German Cancer Research Institute, which helped discover the viral cause of cervical cancer and develop a vaccination for it, now has evidence that a natural ingredient in beer may prevent prostate cancer.
Not all scientists are yet convinced, given that prostate cancer doesn’t seem especially rare in countries where beer is a cultural staple. Such skeptics – not to mention teetotalers – will be pleased to know that other research at the German Cancer Research Institute is focusing on broccoli’s anticarcinogenic possibilities.
And a few fictoids:
* While conservatives decried the attempted assault on a public figure after a man threw a tomato at Sarah Palin earlier this week, liberals were upset that the would-be protester missed his target. They said he thereby wasted a precious vegetable-fruit that had been shipped all the way from Florida, undoubtedly contributing to global warming in the process. Left-leaning pundits also chided the attacker for not giving advance notice of the potential gleaning opportunity to local soup kitchens.
* The Web is doomed.
A leading scientist at the University of North-Central Minnefornia predicts that the world’s known reserves of pixels, most of which are mined from Albania, will be exhausted by 2013. Dr. Roffman van Muses says if we are to stretch the supply is to restrict people from having computers and iPhones until age 40.
* Recently hacked e-mails from East Anglia University proved scientists have known all along it’s not carbon dioxide that threatens to melt the polar ice caps and end life as we know it. The real threat is the hot air emanating from the blogosphere.
* A survey by the Rural Mental Health Agency reveals that 66 percent of country kids have nightmares after hearing the Christmas song “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
* If a syrupy Christmas movie comes on any broadcast channel, the chances that the average American woman will watch it are 78.7 percent. The chances are zero that her husband will understand why he has to endure not only the 90-minute movie but an additional 60 minutes of commercials for Chia pets and Ginsu knives when she has the same movie on DVD.
Contact Daily Journal Oxford Bureau reporter Errol Castens at (662) 281-1069 or errol.castens@djournal.com.

Errol Castens/NEMS Daily Journal

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