GOP MAY HAVE PAT ANSWERS FOR NATION’S WOES

CATEGORY: COL Columns (Journal)

AUTHOR: MARTY

GOP MAY HAVE PAT ANSWERS FOR NATION’S WOES

You know, the more I hear about Pat Buchanan, the more I like this guy.

Oh, I’ve known Pat for some time having watched him almost blow out a blood vessel nightly on CNN’s Crossfire while my wife drooled over his smug liberal sparring partner, Michael Kinsley. But I had no idea that as the first primary arrived Tuesday in New Hampshire I would actually come to support this guy.

Pat has a lot of ideas worth thinking about if you happen to be a white, middle-class, blue-collar American like me. (I wore my denim shirt Tuesday to show support. None of that red flannel stuff for me.)

Take for instance Buchanan’s stands on free trade and immigration. Who needs all this NAFTA and GATT and other alphabet soup concoctions that the liberals have dreamed up as a prelude to selling us out to a One World government?

In other words, who needs Becks when we’ve got Budweiser?

Oh, some farmers and corporate bigwigs will moan and gnash their teeth about the U.S. being the world’s largest exporter and how imposing tariffs and limiting exports would cut the economy in half. I, like Pat, doubt very much that it would happen. I mean, after all, we only export between 30 and 50 percent of our rice, cotton and soybeans here in Mississippi so the impact could be as little as a 30 percent downturn in our economy.

That’s a small price to pay to free ourselves from the evil plans of the rest of the world to lure all our businesses away and totally destroy our economy.

Sure, the liberals say that once the low-paying jobs have all moved to Mexico and the Caribbean all that’s left will be high-paying, high-tech work, but most of my friends don’t want to have to go back to school at their age and learn something new. Heck, most of them never graduated from high school in the first place.

That’s why they’re supporting Buchanan.

And immigrants? Who needs them. Immigrants are ruining this country, taking away our jobs, skewing the test curves in our schools, and introducing beliefs and religions into our society that threaten to undermine our culture.

If you don’t believe me, just ask the Indians.

And I was proud of Pat when I saw him the other day on TV denying that he had evolved from an ape. Pat Buchanan points out the flaws in evolution theory better than anyone.

All those million-year-old dinosaur bones? As British author Terry Pratchett once wrote, they’re “just a joke the paleontologists haven’t got yet.”

Yes, Patrick Buchanan is a modern day St. Cyril. You remember Cyril. He started out as archbishop of Alexandria back in the fifth century when all the world’s knowledge resided in the Great Library of Alexandria.

About the same time, however, a beautiful young mathematician, astronomer, physicist and philosopher named Hypatia came along and started teaching some radical ideas like the Roman Empire not being the center of the universe and that maybe there was more to the world than what the church was telling you.

Not only were women not allowed to say such things back then, but, for that matter, neither were the men. So Cyril had Hypatia killed by an angry mob who stripped the flesh from her body and then he burned the library, plunging the world into that fun period of isolation and tyranny we now refer to as the Dark Ages.

So go Pat! I’m behind you all the way!

You’re our best hope for getting Clinton re-elected.

Marty Russell is senior reporter for the Daily Journal.

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