M. SCOTT MORRIS: Get a lock of hair from editor’s head

M. SCOTT MORRIS

M. SCOTT MORRIS

My first publisher explained it to me in no uncertain terms: There are revenue producers and revenue drains.

As a writer who never sold a single ad or collected money for a single subscription, I belonged in the latter category.

The Mighty Daily Journal wants to change that, and there could be 5 American greenbacks in it for you if you hear me out.

It’s time for the Mighty Daily Journal Employee Sales Contest, and the news department, of which I’m a non-revenue-producing member, needs to start 36 new subscriptions.

The idea of selling things door-to-door fills me with dread that probably traces back to trying to sell magazines for middle school choir.

Some excelled at it, but not me. Luckily, I had a golden voice, always sat up straight and sang with an inner smile.

On the flip side, I never figured out what pitch is or how to hit it on a consistent basis. I was a mixed-blessing for Mrs. Gandy, our choir director and one patient lady.

I digress.

Here’s the offer: New subscribers or people who haven’t subscribed to the Mighty Daily Journal in the past 30 days can get award-winning journalism – and whatever it is I do – delivered to their home for 13 weeks for the paltry sum of $25.

But wait, there’s more. Mighty Daily Journal employees make $5 for every subscription sold.

I’m prepared, at great personal expense to myself, to give you, dear new subscriber, my $5. That’s cash money. I wouldn’t lie to you.

You could buy a subscription for yourself for $20. You could buy for you and a friend for $40. You could buy for you and a friend and your friend’s friend for $60. The possibilities are endless.

What I need now is a fast-talking person to read the legalese. You know what I mean, that guy at the end of certain commercials on the radio.

If you don’t mind, read this next bit fast like a shooting star: This offer is only valid in areas served by a home delivery carrier.

But wait, there’s still more.

In addition to the $5, I can add other incentives. If you never thought you could get Food Editor Ginna Parsons’ autograph, here’s your opportunity.

I also can get you a lock of Editorial Page Editor Joe Rutherford’s hair, as well as Crime Reporter JB Clark’s Social Security number.

Whoa. It appears I actually can lie to you.

All I’m really offering here is the 13 weeks for $25 plus the $5 that would’ve gone to me had I not decided to give it to you.

Our contest ends Oct. 31, and my contact information is below.

And – what the heck – I’ll throw in a tour of the Mighty Daily Journal, if you’re interested. That’ll give you a chance to snag some of Joe’s hair.

M. Scott Morris is a Daily Journal feature writer. Contact him at (662) 678-1589 or scott.morris@journalinc.com.