By NEMS Daily Journal
You’ll have the company of your humble correspondent for a while longer: My lottery numbers didn’t hit.
Clark Howard on HLN, formerly CNN Headline News, said I have a 1 in 175 million chance of winning the lottery. The guy made a persuasive argument, so I’ve decided not to watch HLN any longer.
We have a syndicate at the Mighty Daily Journal. Four of us divvy up the cost of tickets. I’m not going to tell you how much we’ve paid or how long we’ve done it. I’ve got two good reasons for my reluctance:
- First, it’s kind of embarrassing.
- Second, reality’s not the point.
Let’s say no one’s returning my phone calls, my computer’s on the fritz and the Pepsi machine won’t take my $1 bill.
That’s a good time to spend a few minutes with the syndicate, where we share our plans for the big buckets of money we’re getting in the very near future. It’s a nice break in the day.
Over the years, our plans for the money have changed. I used to imagine buying the Mighty Daily Journal and imposing my will with an iron fist.
But I’ve mellowed.
Now, I want a lake house with a covered outdoor kitchen and grilling station, which I probably could’ve bought by now if I hadn’t purchased all those lottery tickets.
Then again, imagine what could’ve happened if I’d put the money into mutual funds. You see why I’m still a member in good standing of the lottery syndicate.
Hedge fund managers would’ve bought another 24-karat toilet seat. At least the lottery funnels my losings into public education.
Sadly, Mississippi’s schools don’t get any of that money, but they’ll get theirs when I get mine. After I hit the mother lode, the state’s revenuers will become my new best friends. Actually, they’ll become my second-best friends. The first? My tax attorney.
This is another way my plans have changed. In the old days, I wanted my tax attorney to have connections to Aruba or the Cayman Islands. Now, I think I’d prefer someone based closer to home. Baldwyn, maybe.
The astute reader will have noticed that I’ve used the word “plans,” instead of “dreams.” That’s because dreaming about winning the lottery is wishy-washy.
Which of these sounds better to you?
- I dream of turning $1 into millions.
- I plan to turn $1 into millions.
In the first one, I sound like a helpless loser. In the second, I sound like a future captain of industry.
Not that I want to be a future captain of anything. The whole point of planning to win the lottery is to ride a massive wave of cash into the land of leisure and tax attorneys, where the sun always shines and the air smells of rich, Corinthian leather.
Wish me luck. Please. My plan depends on a deep and wide ocean of luck.
M. Scott Morris is a Daily Journal entertainment writer. Contact him at (662) 678-1589 or firstname.lastname@example.org.