Don’t be cruel, I’ve always been told, but I must make a hurtful confession here on Elvis Presley’s birthday – especially cruel for someone whose co-workers include Ginna Parsons and Patsy Brumfield.
Nothing personal, you understand, but Elvis doesn’t particularly thrill me.
Yeah, I ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. And you’re probably all shook up.
And Ginna and Patsy, despite their suspicious minds, probably figure that farther along, I’ll know about him.
Really, I don’t object to Elvis. No rational person can deny that the man had tremendous talent and artistry and personal magnetism.
Truly, I don’t even mind people who like him a lot – just the few folks so devoted to His E-ness that they assume Stuart Hine must have been at Graceland when he wrote “How Great Thou Art.”
I hope they realize that in the afterlife, they can find peace in the valley or they can check into Heartbreak Hotel, but if their greatest hope in reaching the pearly gates is finally to meet Elvis, they’re going to be left crying in the chapel.
While we’re on the subject of personal cults, I’d like to answer those bitter people who desperately cling to their religious tenet that any opposition to the present president stems from racism: Can I get a bumper sticker that says “Thomas Sowell 2012”?
MSU forestry professor Debbie Gaddis noted that one facet of an article on the timber industry last Sunday wasn’t clear. The advice to get competitive bids when selling timber applies to sawlog sales or other high-dollar events, but a competitive-bid process may be overkill for simple thinning harvests.
It became indisputable that our snowfall was going to be a disappointment when the TV meteorologists started asserting a 100 percent chance of snow. They’ve predicted 12 of the last three accumulations we’ve had. (In their defense, I would guess it’s about as hard to accurately predict snowfall in the Mid-South as to determine when Congress may do something useful.)
My wife has a book, “Organize Your Life and Get Rid of Your Clutter.” In my case, it would probably work out to “Organize Your Clutter and Get Rid of Your Life.”
Even Islamist fundamentalist terrorists do some things to benefit society. Both the Fort Hoodlum and the Christmas Crotch Bomber (I refuse to print their names), in the midst of committing their atrocities, at least had the decency to remove themselves, apparently, from the gene pool.
When any of us columnists or bloggers are tempted to depend too much on stream-of-consciousness writing, we should remember that all streams go downhill.
Contact Daily Journal Oxford Bureau reporter Errol Castens at (662) 281-1069 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
Errol Castens/NEMS Daily Journal