“If you take a beer can to a job interview, you might be a redneck,” was one of comedian Jeff Foxworthy’s lines a few years ago. The thing that made Foxworthy’s routine work so well is that we who have lived in the South know there is some truth – if not a lot of truth – to the jokes he tells.
Speaking of job interviews, I ran across an article from careerbuilder.com about crazy things people have said during actual job interviews. I am talking here about what people who need a job have said to the person interviewing them for a possible position within a company. Consider things such as:
– “I am not wanted in this state”
– “How many young women work here?”
– “I didn’t steal it, I just borrowed it.”
– “You touch somebody and they call it sexual harassment.”
Or, how about this response to a query, “I have never heard such a stupid question.”
With unemployment reaching double digits in this country, I think I would just go ahead and answer the stupid question, wouldn’t you?
Although some people pride themselves on “telling it like it is,” it’s not wise to always say everything you think.
What I have here for you below are some real questions with real answers from real people who were interviewing for a real job. Each question and answer comes from a different person and a different company and then a one sentence thought from me. I could not help myself. Imagine a “Candid Camera” episode and you get to watch these people say things like:
Q. Why did you leave your last job?
A. I have a problem with authority.
(There was really no need for any other questions here.)
Q. Tell us about a problem you had with a co-worker and how you resolved it.
A. The resolution was we were both fired.
Q. Why should we hire you?
A. I would be an asset to the events team because I party all the time.
(I’ll bet you would be.)
Q. Why are you leaving your current job?
A. I was fired from my last job because they were forcing me to attend anger management classes.
(And so are you angry about that?)
Q. Why are you looking for a job?
A. Cigarettes are getting more expensive, so I need another job.
(How long can you go without a smoke before you get angry?)
Q. Why do you want to work for us?
A. I saw the job posted on Twitter and thought, why not?
(How bad a job can it be, right?)
Q. What are your assets?
A. Well, I do own a bike.
(So you can get to work no matter how high gas prices go up?)
Q. What are your weaknesses?
A. I am really not a big learner. You know … some people love learning and are always picking up new things, but that is just not me. I’d much rather work at a place where the job is pretty stagnant and doesn’t change a lot.
(So your friends don’t call you “Ambitious Amy”?)
Q. Is there anything else I should know about you?
A. You should probably know that I “mud wrestle” on weekends.
(No, I really didn’t need to know that.)
Q. When can you start?
A. I need to check with my mom on that one.
(Is she waiting out in the car?)
Q. Tell of a time you made a mistake and how you dealt with it?
A. I stole some equipment from my old job, and I had to pay for its replacement.
Q. Have you submitted your two weeks’ notice to your current employer?
A. What is “two weeks” notice? I’ve never quit a job before. I have always been fired.
(Well we appreciate you interviewing with us this afternoon Mr. Johnson, and we will call you if something opens up.)
And here are some things applicants said to company representatives in the middle of their job interview:
“What do you want me to do if I cannot walk to work because it’s raining? Will you pick me up?
“Can we wrap this up fairly quickly? I have somewhere else I have to go.”
“If this doesn’t work out can I call you to go out sometime?”
“If I get an offer, how long do I have before I have to take the drug test?”
“What is your company’s policy on Monday absences?”
“May I have a cup of coffee? I think I may still be a little drunk from last night.”
“How big do the bonuses get once you make associate? I hear it is some serious cash.”
And finally, this one: “So, how much do they pay you for doing these interviews?”
Tim Wildmon is a community columnist who resides in
Baldwyn. Contact him at email@example.com.