By Patsy R. Brumfield/NEMS Daily Journal
Recently, Vicksburg complained that its 150th Civil War anniversary observances will never compare with its rival, Gettysburg, Pa.
Of course they won’t. But did somebody need to tell them this, ahead of time?
Has anyone ever heard of the “Vicksburg Address?”
Warren County friends, you have a wonderful Civil War history and the terrain around you is fascinating, but don’t let this worry you. It’s just the way it is.
• • •
Sometimes, it’s just better to let somebody else’s brain work.
This set of truisms came from my neatness sister, although she didn’t invent them.
Check these out and see if any could have been said by you:
• Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is. (Who wears a watch for time these days, anyway?)
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
• There is great need for a sarcasm font.
• How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on No. 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. (So true.)
• I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my movie collection … again.
• I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
• I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies…. Quit laughing.
Thanks to whoever put this list together. I am too tired from a fabulous Christmas to be original this week. Hope your holidays were that good, too.
Patsy R. Brumfield writes a Thursday column. Contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org or (662) 678-1596 or. Follow her on Twitter @realnewsqueen.