PATSY R. BRUMFIELD: Please be real with hyperbole

By Patsy R. Brumfield/NEMS Daily Journal

I watch too much TV, well too much of some TV.
One new annoyance is the commercial by some company that allows you to buy postage directly via the Internet.
In the ad, a man says emphatically that standing in line for stamps at a post office is the worst thing that can happen to you.
Really?
This script must have been written by a wambat, a recluse or the most ridiculously pampered person in the world.
Or maybe they just wanted to be annoying. It worked.
I have no problems standing in line for stamps.
I don’t love it. I’d rather be in the south of France.
But I don’t think it’s the worst thing that can happen – I’d say that would be along the lines of impalement or slow immolation.
I was reminded of impalement by a recent History Channel piece about Vlad, the Hungarian warlord generally acknowledged as the real Dracula.
Now, this is a guy I wouldn’t want to mess with.
Truly, going to dinner at his mountain-top castle would have led to the worst thing that could happen to you.
Vlad was known for having long, sharp poles driven into his victims, who then were displayed around town.
To prove a point to a Turkish commander, he reportedly sent him the noses of 25,000 of his victims. One can only hope they were dead, at that stage.
Perhaps you’re thinking that working out in our summer heat may be a contemporary “worst” thing to happen, compared with the TV man’s silly post office remark.
It’s not, if you get out early enough, like Crack o’ Dawn.
My zucchini are history and half my yellow squash succumbed to some nastiness, which I suspect to be root-eating grubs. I’m going to poison them over the winter before I start on Garden 2012.
But bad can turn to good.
Even if we consider our summer heat as a bad experience, it allows us to plant two entire crops and make harvests before Jack Frost comes a’ knockin’.
So, last weekend I pulled up all kinds of pathetic looking stuff and now have seeds in the ground for more cucumbers, butternut squash and giant pumpkins.
The tomatoes are struggling but I’ve managed to make several batches of tomato sauce for the freezer. That’ll make some good soup over the winter.
My pride ‘n’ joy, the butternuts, are just beautiful and already proved how great they can be oven-roasted in chunks with similarly chopped sweet potatoes, a little olive oil and salt and pepper. Yum.
So, if you’re hankerin’ for some garden fare, do not despair. You’ve got time.
You’ll have to go beyond the big-box stores for seeds, though.
Thank goodness we’ve got local options, which will allow you to avoid the apparent horror of standing in line to acquire postage stamps for mail-order seeds.
Patsy R. Brumfield covers courts and politics for the Daily Journal. Contact her at patsy. brumfield@journalinc.com or (662) 678-1596.