I consider myself only a somewhat rational human being, and I, too, carry around Chinese fortune cookie wisdom.
For a time, I had one that said, "Your ideas are wholly worthwhile." That's high quality, right there, and I'm sorry it's gone, probably the victim of a mass purging of receipts from an overstuffed wallet. I occasionally mourn its passing.
But I think it was a copywriter for a Chinese fortune cookie company who said, "Confucius says, 'Life moves on and there's always another Chinese restaurant to visit.'"
I'm currently carrying five - yes, five - small slips of paper that contain clues to the future. Three are for my purposes. The other two, dear reader, are for your benefit.
Does anyone object to starting with me? Good. Here they are, in no particular order:
* "Any doubts you may have will disappear early this month." That sounds fantastic, doesn't it? Who wouldn't enjoy a time untroubled by nagging, self-conscious thoughts? It hasn't occurred yet, and I hope I didn't miss it in my sleep. Technically, the early portion of April is over, as we're firmly into the middle of the month. I'll keep this one until Monday or the next receipt purging.
* "Your efforts in a critical area will soon be rewarded." This one's probably already done its job. Lives don't hang in the balance at the Mighty Daily Journal, but every project has a deadline. Sooner or later something reaches the critical stage. I probably should get rid of this one, too.
* "Remember three months from this date! Your lucky star is shining." Sadly, I have no idea when I got this one. The plan is to wait for really great things to happen then count backwards.
You've been patient. It's time to share the wisdom I've collected with you in mind. I wanted to get your opinion about the dubious practice of swapping fortune cookies after the message has been opened and read. Should it be allowed?
A friend came to town and we went to an Asian restaurant. When the cookies arrived, she said that she and her husband recently exchanged fortunes. I considered this a gross breach of propriety, and said as much. She dismissed me with a wave of her hand, and we switched to other topics.
The issue, regrettably, has come up again. My wife and I finished a recent meal, and her cookie said, "Tomorrow your creative side will shine forth with exceptional ideas," and mine said, "A new pair of shoes will do you a world of good!"
Now, dang it, she wants my new shoes. My fortune has no built-in expiration date, but her time for exceptional ideas has come and gone. Even if I believed in swapping, an exchange does me no good.
So here's my question to you: Can any of this be considered somewhat rational?
M. Scott Morris is a Daily Journal feature writer. Contact him at (662) 678-1589 or email@example.com.